HEADLINES IN 2090

1. Freedom Kenyatta IV and Riley Odinga V go head to head in the final lap before the elections. Both promise to stamp out corruption and tribalism.
2. Police invade eastleigh to draw out illegal Chinese immigrants.
3. KRA levies taxes on bribes: Police, City Council protest.
4. Republic of Kenya to import titanium from the Republic of Mombasa.
5. Robot doctors to replace human doctors after doctors’ strike enters 10th week.
6. Government to introduce intercoms to replace striking teachers. Only 2% of teachers will be retained.
7. Ancient gadget iPhone 5 to be displayed in Nairobi Museum.
8. Archaeologists discover elephant bones in the Tsavo.
9. Tupac releases 20th album.
10. Legendary musician Blue Ivy Carter turns 78.
11. Amelia Earhart’s plane found on Mount Kenya.
12. Nyahururu church of the mountain sect go into hiding as sect leader prophesies end of the world.
13.  Still together after 12 years: Couple shocks nation
14. Harambee stars proceed to the semi-finals 10 months after KFF disbanded.
15. Clandestine Biochemists introduce marijuana gene into spinach.
16. Police find huge consignment of plasma guns in eastleigh.
17. Police reforms to occur after the 2090 elections: Senators promise.
18. Asian business man grabs land in mars as aliens cry foul.
19. US votes in 2nd black president K’Owino MacOnyango. Democrats celebrate.
20. MRC and Al-Shabab National Party face off in the Republic of Mombasa elections.
21. Hundreds stranded in underground electric train as KPLC blames power blackouts on rising cost of fuel.
22. Maendelo ya Wanaume get 4 Billion shillings grant after rise in domestic violence.
23. ‘Kienyeji’ chicken put in zoo after endangerment report.
24. County of Turkana donates 400 million shillings to South American hurricane victims.
25. Maasai herdsman tracks his GPRS enabled cows to the Ethiopian border.
26. Government rolls out vision 2120 plan.
27. Panic as normal non-test tube baby is born.
28. Facebook and Google blamed for widespread senility and obesity in senior citizens.